I had been feeling a little low the other day. I have been searching for work this month after being laid off for the second time in 2 years. Not that I have come to the point of throwing myself a pity-party or anything, but fear is starting to creep in. Gina had gone to work, the boys were at school, and the girls were watching TV, so I decided to take this moment of quiet to pray. This is hard to do in a family with four kids.
I had just read something interesting on the web about spirit verses matter and praying to see past the flesh to our spiritual reality. I am a "practical" guy that is learning to see past the practical. Over the last couple years, I have been rediscovering how to jump in and take a chance when my mind tells me to think it through and be cautious. With the help of my children and a book by Michael Yacconelli titled Dangerous Wonder , that I read a few years ago, I am rediscovering my child-like faith. It was being tested today, so I began to pray.
I sat quietly and began to put into words my longings and my fears, my dreams and my doubts. I began to feel my eyes water and my pain lift as I asked God for guidance. Then, my 3 year old daughter entered the room and interrupted my prayer. I was a bit annoyed. I was frustrated that my quiet time with God was "“ruined". She climbed into my lap and snuggled in close to me. I asked God for focus.
"I love you, Daddy."
I love you, Daddy.
I prayed for direction. As I was admiring my daughters beauty and innocence, she stood on my knees and put her arms straight out. "Ta Daa!" she exclaimed. The Cross - where beauty, innocence, and purity met ugliness, pain, and messiness. I was a little repulsed by this line of thinking. How could my daughter'’s play remind me of the crucifixion? She did it again, "Ta Daa!"
I wanted direction and I could not ignore this - the beauty of God's love for me, reflected in my love for my daughter presenting me the Cross.
