Reaching for Heaven, Clinging to Earth

Do you ever have visions of your death? I am not trying to be morbid, I just sometimes think about dying. A lot of times it is while I am driving (What if I get into a car crash?) or traveling (What if my plane crashes on that trip without my family?). Sometimes I wonder if it will be a "good" death. Will I get killed helping someone else? Will I be martyred someday for standing up for the Truth. Will it be a stupid death like slipping on my dog's pee on the tile and cracking my head open. These thoughts lead me to think of Heaven (not so much the dog pee, but the other stuff). What will it be like? On some days I think I am sooooo ready to leave this world and move on to eternity. I realize in my heart that this world is not my home, it is just the place I live. I think my soul is sometimes homesick.

Then I think of my wife and kids. I suddenly feel selfish or sad or scared. How could I leave them? Yes, I am hear to prepare for eternity with God, but I am also tasked with making sure that they join me. I am not done yet. I love them too much and pray for as much time with them as I can get. I want to grow old with my wife. I want to watch my kids achievements and discoveries while being a safety net for them when they fall.

This life may be temporary, but it is filled with so many blessings and beauties. Sure, life can also be filled with suffering and sadness. We sometimes have to say goodbye to loved ones before we are ready, but that is really just our soul reaching for Heaven as we cling to Earth.

Vows and haircuts

Wow, what a year 2008 has been. I have been busy to say the least. I really had to throw myself into my work this past year, but I am now taking a much needed break. You know it is a good vacation when you lose track of what day it is.

Many people have been asking what happened to my hair? Did I lose a bet? Of course, I have been so remiss in keeping this blog that most of my readers (all 5 of them) may not have even seen my long hair and my new do.

I had not cut my hair for over 2 years, but I had a reason.

I was unemployed for 12 months (2 - 6 month periods) over 2 years in 2004-2006. I have now been with Digidesign for over 2 years. I had started there as a contractor and when I was offered regular, full-time position, I was also assigned to manage my first Pro Tools project (Digidesign's flagship product). I was honored and humbled that I was offered this project so quickly. I decided to offer up a this program to God. I decided to take a Nazarite vow. Little did I know that this program would evolve into the biggest release of Pro Tools ever and take 2 years. What a ride, and what a product. I am really proud of the work that our team did. It also is great to know that this product will be used to glorify God in the Christian music recordings that will be made with it.

Vows and promises are important. They help define who we are. My wedding vows, for example, define me as my wife's spouse for life. God exemplifies this in the covenants he has made with us. This past Sunday, we heard of the covenant with Abram/Abraham Gn 15:1-6; 21:1-3) Whenever we see a rainbow we are reminded of God's covenant with Noah (Gn 9: 9-17. We recall our baptismal promises when we recite the Creed. At every Mass, we receive and take part in God's everlasting covenant with us in the Eucharist. Our faithfulness will never match that of our heavenly Father's, but I hope in some small way, I was able to honor Him in my work.

May God bless you and yours in this new year.

Grace and peace,

Scott