Sts. Peter and Paul

I meant to write about this yesterday, but it was a busy day. Yesterday was the feast day for St. Peter and St. Paul. These guys are my heros (as they should be for every Christian). I think they are the perfect example of what Paul wrote about to the church of Corinth (1 Corinthians 12). Their gifts, their experiences, and their approach to sharing the Gospel were completely different, but they both proclaimed "Jesus is Lord" by the same Spirit.

Sts. Peter and Paul are my heros because I can relate to them both. I read about them in scripture and I can see a little bit of myself in each of them. Peter tried so hard, and every time he thought he had it figured out, he screwed up. Remember the whole "get behind me Satan" remark, and of course the denials. Even as the Church was growing, Paul had to correct him about his treatment of the gentiles. Yet, despite all of this, Jesus chose him, because he saw the real potential of this fisherman. I sometimes wonder what God sees in me. Does he see the potential of an Apostle or does he see a man that will always struggle with comfort and fear? I stumble often, and it is usually when I think I got this disciple of Christ thing figured out.

Paul was a know-it-all with a temper, who was humbled by God. My wife often calls me "Mr. Right", not only because I am the man that she married, but because I too can come across as a know-it-all. What can I say, I just happen to be correct a lot of the time, and if I don't know something, I generally will admit it. I know that sounds arrogant, but I am not trying to be boastful. See just like Paul. :) Paul conquered whatever fear might have held him back and just did it. This is not to say he jumped into danger without thinking. He was not stupid. He accepted that danger was part of the job description and trusted that God would protect him and sustain him, and God did.

Anyway, both of these men gave their lives for the Gospel. One was our first pope, the other was our first great evangelist. Through the intercession of these two great Saints, I pray for the grace to boldly proclaim the Gospel of Christ Jesus to everyone I meet as they did.

Clarification

Okay, so about my last entry. Yes, I realize that a portion of this money is going to programs I absolutely disagree with (i.e. Planned Parenthood). My point is that here is a man that has decided to give his billions of dollars of wealth away to a cause he believes will better humanity. I am sure (and I pray) that God will find away to use the Gates Foundation and its vast financial resources to do good for humanity.

You Can't Take It With You, and You Don't Want to Spoil the Kids

This week the second wealthiest man in the world, Warren Buffett, decided to team up with the wealthiest man in the world, Bill Gates to give away his fortune. Two things caught my attention in an interview about this about this:

1. Those that are given the wisdom and blessing of managing this kind of wealth need to look at the bigger picture.

"I always had the idea that philanthropy was important today, but would be equally important in one year, ten years, 20 years, and the future generally.

And someone who was compounding money at a high rate, I thought, was the better party to be taking care of the philanthropy that was to be done 20 years out, while the people compounding at a lower rate should logically take care of the current philanthropy."

Not that his motives were all about others

"I was having fun - and still am having fun - doing what I do. And for a while I also thought in terms of control of Berkshire."
"So if I had engaged in significant philanthropy back then, I would have had to give away shares of Berkshire. I hadn't bought those to immediately give them away."

2. I was also struck by his lack of interest in leaving a dynasty for his children

"I still believe in the philosophy - FORTUNE quoted me saying this 20 years ago - that a very rich person should leave his kids enough to do anything but not enough to do nothing. [The FORTUNE article was "Should You Leave It All to the Children?" Sept. 29, 1986.]

I am a big proponent for Stewardship. As the Bishops of the United States laid out in a pastoral letter, stewardship is the response of a true disciple. It is a recognition that everything we have is from God, and in order to show our gratitude we offer a portion back to God. I have no idea if Mr. Buffett is a believer. I do know that he recognizes that he has been given a great deal of blessing, and in turn he now wishes to use this wealth for a greater good. If that is not God at work, I don't know what is. I don't necessarily agree with all of of the efforts of all of the foundations that will benefit from his donations, but I think it is a positive thing over all and a good example for others.

In his second letter to the Corinthians Paul lays out a plea for financial help (even back then they had money talks).

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

Now I know most of us have not been given the financial blessing of Mr. Buffet and Mr. Gates, but most of us have been blessed with an income that provides for our needs and beyond. How have we shown our gratitude for that blessing? Have we given back an offering of our "first fruits" or do we give God our spare change?

May God bless you abundantly.

To Knee or Not to Knee...

The other day, I said I would comment on kneeling. The issue of kneeling or not kneeling during parts of the Mass is a subject of great debate. About a month ago (yeah, I know that I am late to the party), the controversy came to a new level of intensity when the pastor of a parish in Orange county warned parishioners that they could be in a state of mortal sin for kneeling after the Agnus Dei (Lamb of God). This is when we say "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you..." So to add to the controversy, apparently Orange Bishop Tod Brown (Orange being the diocese not the color of the bishop) backed the pastor, then asked for a retraction and backed the retraction which really wasn't a retraction (you still with me).

To be honest with you, this kind of thing frustrates me to no end. I think both sides need to rethink this issue, because they are both right (well I don't know about the mortal sin thing) and both wrong. Those that are compelled to kneel argue that "At the name of Jesus every knee shall bow..." and those that argue to stand site practicality and/or that by his sacrifice Jesus freed us of sin and made us worthy to stand in his presence. Both sides miss the point and more often than not, use their posture as a sign of their (self)righteousness. It is bad enough that the Church is divided into denominational groups, but we can't even find unity within the Catholic faith. And my brothers and sisters, that is what posture is really about - UNITY!

Here is what the General Instruction on the Roman Missal has to say about it.

Paragraph 42

The gestures and posture of the priest, the deacon, and the ministers, as well as those of the people, ought to contribute to making the entire celebration resplendent with beauty and noble simplicity, so that the true and full meaning of the different parts of the celebration is evident and that the participation of all is fostered. Therefore, attention should be paid to what is determined by this General Instruction and the traditional practice of the Roman Rite and to what serves the common spiritual good of the People of God, rather than private inclination or arbitrary choice.

A common posture, to be observed by all participants, is a sign of the unity of the members of the Christian community gathered for the Sacred Liturgy: it both expresses and fosters the intention and spiritual attitude of the participants. (emphasis added)

As for the issue in Orange county:

Paragraph 43

In the dioceses of the United States of America, they should kneel beginning after the singing or recitation of the Sanctus until after the Amen of the Eucharistic Prayer, except when prevented on occasion by reasons of health, lack of space, the large number of people present, or some other good reason. Those who do not kneel ought to make a profound bow when the priest genuflects after the consecration. The faithful kneel after the Agnus Dei unless the Diocesan Bishop determines otherwise.

With a view to a uniformity in gestures and postures during one and the same celebration, the faithful should follow the directions which the deacon, lay minister, or priest gives according to whatever is indicated in the Missal.

So if the local bishop determines otherwise, as much as an individual or group might dislike it, they should join their brothers and sisters in unity. I am not saying that you should not argue your point, I just wish you would find someplace other than the Mass to make your point. This goes for the Bishop that asked a woman to stand while she was receiving communion because she was making a scene. No, with all due respect, he was.

St. Paul tells us in his letter to the Philppians (Chapter 2, Verses 1-4 NIV translation)

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

This is not say that we just follow the crowd in blind obedience, but we do need to get over ourselves and be unified with Christ.

Amazing courage

I thought this was very courageous - and a little bit sneaky. :)

A great question

I received a question about yesterday's postings. Rather than post another comment that might not get seen I wanted to reply with this entry. Rebecca asked:

referring to this and your last post i just happened across i have a question. if God doesn't change, and you believe the catholic church is His church, why would the mass change with the times?

Rebecca,

Thank you for your question. God has given the Church the gift of the Sacraments and the gift of the Mass. These things are for our benefit, not God’s. As I heard a priest friend of mine put it once (I am paraphrasing), it is not like God sits around needing us to say good things about him. At the Last Supper (the institution of the Eucharist), Jesus did not say, “Guys, you have been great. I really appreciate you coming tonight, and it would be great if you would get together after I am gone to remember the old days. You know, break a little bread, drink a little wine, maybe say some nice things about me...” He does not need our praise, we need His Presence. God gave us the frame work (the stuff that can’t change) and we with the prompting of the Spirit added some human styling, if you will.

That being said, Liturgy translates as the work of the people. It is given to us by God and divinely inspired (God is definitely in the middle of it), but the words, postures, and actions we take are all human, so of course it will change over time. Hopefully with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, these actions will draw us closer to Christ and help us enter more deeply into the mystery of the Life, Death, Resurrection, and Ascension of our Lord. So, even though the “window dressings” of the Mass change, it is because of the human element involved, not because God changes.

The above are my views and interpretations, but who am I to comment on such a fabulous and profound question? The first document to come out of Vatican II was Sacrosanctum Concilium (The Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy). This document set forth the reasons and “ground rules” for the reform of the Mass. In paragraph 21 your question is addressed almost directly.

In order that the Christian people may more certainly derive an abundance of graces from the Sacred Liturgy, Holy Mother Church desires to undertake with great care a general restoration of the Liturgy itself. For the Liturgy is made up of immutable elements divinely instituted, and of elements subject to change. These not only may but ought to be changed with the passage of time if they have suffered from the intrusion of anything out of harmony with the inner nature of the Liturgy or have become unsuited to it.

In this restoration, both texts and rites should be drawn up so that they express more clearly the holy things which they signify; the Christian people, so far as possible, should be enabled to understand them with ease and to take part in them fully, actively, and as befits a community.

I hope this answers your question and provokes some thought. I know it made me stop and think about it.

May the grace and peace of Christ be with you.

Scott

Let the bickering continue...I mean begin

I am sure we will see many more articles about the new translation of the Mass, but this I thought was just to good to pass up.

I also ran across a controversy going on in Orange county that I missed about kneeling. I will share some thoughts about that tomorrow.

I just don't know what to say anymore

Some of you may be wondering if I have writer's block. With the lack of posts that would be an obvious conclusion. No, it has not been writer's block. I have been tied up pursuing my next job opportunity (a journey I am still on). What the title really refers to is the dilemma/challenge we will be facing when the new English translation is approved for the Roman Missal (formally known as the Sacramentary). What am I talking about and why does this matter? Well, read on for this highly anticipated blog. :)

First a little background (if you know all this bear with me). The Roman Missal contains the prayers that are recited at every Catholic Mass. It contains what is called the Order of the Mass as well as other blessings and prayers. In 2002, Pope John Paul II approved a new Latin version of the Missale Romanum. Prior to this the Vatican also released a new instruction as to how this should be translated into other languages. The basic gist of the document was that translations should be as true to the Latin as possible. This is a change from the past in which greater emphasis was placed on the language to which it was being translated. Well this has kind of turned the English-speaking liturgical world on its head. The International Commission on English in the Liturgy (ICEL) had to scrap most of the work on a translation they had been working on since 1973, because there was a new Latin version and because the rules for translation had changed. Check out "Lost in Translation: The Bishops, the Vatican & the English Liturgy" for the back story of all this from a pro-ICEL point of view. If you are a real liturgical geek, read this letter that described why the last translation was rejected by Congregation of Divine Worship.

So, it appears now that they have a translation of the bulk of the Order of the Mass that has been approved the Bishops of the United States. Like anything there are two camps on this issue (well maybe three if you count those that think the Mass should only be prayed in Latin). There are those that are angered by the translation that feel it should be left alone or should not be a literal translation and those that look forward to getting it approved so that we can move forward with it and be more in line with other the Latin and other translations.
I have gone back and forth on this issue. I don't look forward to the process of learning the new texts, and some of the translations feel clunky when I say them allowed (And with your spirit), but I feel a lot of the new translation clarifies some Catholic theology (...only say the word and my soul will be healed) or is more clearly reverant. As a few critics of my leadership as Director of Music at my fairly liberal parish would be quick to point out, I think it is important to make every attempt to stay true to the texts in the rubrics particularly the Eucharistic Acclamations. I am an advocate for inclusive language when referring to human kind, but have no problem and even prefer referring to God as Father, Lord, or with masculine pronouns. It drives me nuts when publishers go out of there way to remove masculine references to God. We are quick to grab onto the passages where Jesus tells us God wants to be so close to us that we can refer to him as "daddy", but we can't refer to God as him. That is just crazy, PC, zealous-femmist gibberish to me.

I think these are exciting times. There is unrest and division about what ultimately comes down to style, but there is also dialog and reflection on the true nature of God and his relationship with his Church. Ultimately it comes down to realizing that our words will always be inadequate to praise the Father, Creator of all, that Christ our Redeemer will still be present in the Eucharist and in our lives by the power of the Holy Spirit, and that even as the Mass continues to change throughout history, God will not.

Proud Papa

My son, Christian, is graduating from 8th grade on Monday. He was a 4.0 student this year. I am very proud of him. We went to an awards night at his school this week, where he was honored for his academic achievements. He also was unexpectedly honored for science as well. "Dad, it is my worst subject. I've had an A- in it all year!" (Sigh) To have those kind of problems.

I have been kind of slacking on the whole blog thing the last couple of weeks. Starting next week I will be focusing on articles about the Mass and everyday life (this is called Source and Summit for a reason).

I am doing much better today

Okay, so yesterday I kind of freaked out. I probably should have stayed away from the blog, but hey, I'm just trying to keep it real (insert street gesture of your choice here).

The images from yesterday will stay with me, but I have a much better perspective today. My friend Jeanette, who is an amazing woman of God and was also on the scene (she helped pull the girl out) helped a lot. She reminded me of how God was present in the midst of the horror and that he provided for these two kids in ways that they may never know. There was the fire extinguisher, the pocket knife, and people that were there to help (including a guy that happened to be tall enough to reach the driver). I am humbled to think that in the middle of a life an death situation, God could use me as an instrument.

My hat goes off to the men and women that deal with these things on a daily basis. I usually pray when I hear a siren, but I think I will approach that prayer with a new vigor.

Thank you, my Lord, for your unending grace.

What is a hero? Car crash in front of Gunderson High School.

I have struggled with wether or not to post anything about this, but it has had a major affect on me.

This morning there was a car crash in front of the high school in my neighborhood. I just happened to be the one behind the car that flipped over. As I rounded the bend in the road, I saw debris fly in the air and onto the road. I did not see the car, but I knew a car must have hit one of the palm tress that divide Chynoweth Ave. As the car came into view, my "what happened?" curiosity and tiny amount of fear turned into horror. The car was flipped on its side on top of one of the small trees with a leg hanging out the window. I ran to the car to help the driver. It was then that I realized that this was not going to be pretty. As I approached the car it caught fire. I was afraid the car was going to blow up. So were the others that were now getting out of their cars to help.

I could not get the young man out of the car, because I needed someone to hold the door. I was not even sure he was alive. A man nearby wanted to help, but was afraid of the fire. We called for a fire extinguisher, which luckily someone had. It was then that I noticed a pair of legs under the car that were now catching fire. I also noticed that the driver's head was split open with a gash that travelled the circumference of his head that was bleeding badly.

After the fire was out, the other man held the door up as I pulled the young man from the car. He moaned and began to regain consciousness. I took him to the side of the road, while others bravely worked on getting the passenger, a young high school girl, out of the car. They called for a knife to cut her out of her seat belt.

I asked the young man (the driver) his name, he told me and then he began asking nonsensical questions. He did not know where he was or what had happened. I told him he had been in a car accident and he asked me if there was anyone in the car with him. I told him that there was. He then realized it was his girlfriend and he began to panic. All I could do was try to keep him lying down and calm. I did not even know if the girl was alive. Then the paramedics arrived. All I could do was pray.

After we were questioned and told we were free to go, I left the scene. I had to circle back around my neighborhood to go back home, but as I passed my church, I pulled in and went to the chapel. I wept the hardest I have in years. I was overwhelmed as I sat in the presence of Christ with this young man's blood on my clothes. Fear, terror, shame, anger, doubt, frustration, pride, sadness - these are the emotions of the moment and of the day.

People have said I am a hero, that I saved this boy's life. I doubt that. The man with the fire extinguisher might have saved all our lives, but I don't think I saved this boy's life. Did I overcome my terror to help him, yes. Did I give him some comfort in an awful situation - I hope so.

I am struggling with my pride. I honestly believe, that I just happened to be the guy on the scene. If it was not me, it would have been someone else. There is a part of me, however, that wants some glory for the role I played, and it makes me sick. For example, I am a little ticked that the news story makes it sound like he climbed out of the car screaming that his girlfriend was trapped in the car. That is not what happened. So, am I ticked because the story was inaccurate, or that it did not recognize what I did? Does it really matter. This all sounds stupid, and the few people that read this may think I am just beating myself up over nothing (see why I have thought about not posting anything). I just want to keep reminding myself that this was not about me. Tonight there are two young people in critical condition and two families that are seriously hurting. My heart and my prayers go out for them. I ask you to join with me in praying for them.

Everyone Needs a Cheering Section

Yesterday, I needed to get myself out of the house. I had been stuck inside most of the day, and I felt like getting outside and getting my body moving a little. I went outside to shoot some hoops. Our neighbor's 2 year old twins were outside with their cousins (2 and 5 I think). As I began to shoot I heard the girls yell, "Yea!" They were standing at the end of the court about 100 yards away watching me shoot baskets. Every time I made a shot they applauded and squealed with delight. Any time I would miss, I would hear something like, "Aaaahhh, he missed." Needless to say this motivated me to make more shots. As I warmed up, I began feeling it and was making shots pretty consistently. If I missed a few in a row, I would run in with a layup just to hear the cheers. I could not help but smile.

This got me thinking about life a little (because we all know sport is really just a metaphor about life, although we usually think of baseball for some reason). Couldn't we all use our own personal cheering squad? Wouldn't be great if every time we did something good we heard delighted cheers? And when we fail, wouldn't it be great to hear them saying, "Ah man, you were this close! Try again! You can do it!". Jesus, told us in Luke 15:10, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." Our cheering squad is in heaven. Can you imagine God the Father and Jesus Christ, his son, jumping up from there thrones and giving each other high fives when we turn from our sin? When we say "No!" to that nagging temptation we always give into. When we say, "I can't do this alone. Please send me your grace." Okay, it may not be high fives, but there is much rejoicing. Yea!

God bless you.

Finding the Voice of God

A mother told me a story this morning about her little boy.

The 4-year old was at preschool and was having a rather frustrating morning. The teacher was blowing bubbles for the students to chase. The little boy could not catch any and he asked the teacher why the bubbles were floating away today. The teacher took this time to teach the child about the wind.

"Can you please make it stop?"

"No. God makes the wind blow and only God can make it stop."

The boy stopped and looked to the sky for a moment. He then looked back at the teacher a little disappointed.

"He said no."

This made me think about the wonderful faith of children and their uncanny ability to hear the voice of God. How did we loose this ability? How did we let the noise of our lives block out the voice of the one who made us?

I am in a major discernment process right now. I wish it was as simple as the looking to the sky and listening to the reply. It probably should be.

I was able to spend time in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament on Friday night. All I could do was throw myself down before the Lord and beg for his mercy and guidance. How I wish God's response to my pleas for help were as clear to me as they were to the child. I long for that child-like faith.

Almighty and ever-living God,
I thank you for your presence in my life.
Grant that I may hear your voice above all others,
and that I may place your will before my own.
May your grace overflow in me.
I ask this through Jesus Christ, my Lord,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Holy Crap! PVP beat me to it

Okay, so it has been a while. I have been very engaged in my search for work, and have not felt like blogging.

That being said, I was planning on doing a blog about the Jesus being totally divine but totally human. Basically, I was going to talk about how as Jesus, God had to poop, too. It is amazing to me that God would choose to dwell among us and get messy with life on earth.

Then I saw this in my favorite online comic - PVP. Scott Kurtz is truly a comedic genius at times.

I am headed down to LA this weekend to see Matt Maher and to get some training from the gang at LIFE TEEN. I am hoping that it will be very uplifting and that it will help me tune in to what God is trying to tell me these days. Please pray for me and my family.

Grace and peace,

Scott

"6 Million Dollar Man" B. Peterson

I was reading the paper today, when I came across an obituary for Bruce A. Peterson. He was a test pilot, and his crash of an M2-F2 in 1967 provided the footage for the opening credits of one my families favorite shows when my brothers and I were growing up - "The Six Million Dollar Man". He was quoted in 1975, when the show was in its prime, as saying, "I don't think it cost any $6 million to put me back together." In fact, instead of gaining super bionic vision, he lost sight in one eye. Cheesy 70's TV show aside, I am amazed at the tenacity of the human spirit and how resilient our feeble bodies really are. Bruce lived to be 72 and died of natural causes. Rest in peace.

Go Suns!

Okay, so this not my typical post, but what a game. The Phoenix Suns, in a must win game against the L.A. Lakers, win in overtime to force a game 7 in the first round of the playoffs. My son and I were on the edge of our seats. It was awesome, especially after watching Kobe Bryant win game 4 at the buzzer. It brought back memories of going to watch the Suns play when I was growing up, and watching games with my dad. It is nice to have that kind of escape with my son.

I love you, Dad.

Life or Death - Does Vengeance Bring Healing?

My brother is much better at blogging every day. He strikes a wonderful balance of thought provoking issues and frivolity. After a plethora of fun yesterday, he switched gears to get us all thinking. I originally thought about just leaving a comment, but with a title like "Tough Day to be Catholic" how could I pass it up, and I needed a topic anyway. If this posting does not provoke comments, then I know I am writing to no one. ("Is there anybody...out there?" - Roger Waters)

So his post today was about Al Qaeda terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui and the death penalty. I agree with Bill, it is indeed tough to be Catholic, but not just today. Who deserves to live and who deserves to die? Many narrow it down to what they believe is a simple matter of guilt and innocence. Moussaoui is guilty of a crime that in part changed this nation forever. The men that truly bear the guilt of the death of thousands of U.S. citizens died with their victims - a very unsatisfactory cup for those thirsting for blood.

Throwing Stones
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:1-11

Or if you look at it from another certain point of view...

"Luke, don't give in to hate -- that leads to the dark side." - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi - The Empire Strikes Back

(hey - a pun and a Star Wars trilogy quote in one post! Oh and parenthesis too! I know at least Bill is laughing.)

Anyway, back to the real issue. Hate and sin.

There are plenty of scripture passages that support capital punishment. Here is an interesting article that goes into great detail about it. But, what is our true motivation? I believe capital punishment is a product of sin (not just the sin of the convict).

Kevin Sanders of Logos Ministries describes sin as alienation that leads to separation that leads to sinful acts that cascade down through generations.

Sin is a vicious cycle. Jesus asks us to look beyond our hate ("love your enemies") and to forgive ("Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors") so that we can break the cycle of sin. That is hard! Does that mean there should be no restitution. Of course not. But killing a killer brings about nothing of true lasting value.

Does Vengeance bring peace of mind?
The thing that I find most striking about the need for vengeance is how we choose to hang on to hate. I have seen countless interviews with family members of murder victims where they say something to the effect of "I will never forgive him, I hope he rots in hell!" These quotes come before and after the execution of the murderer. This shows me that the death penalty does not bring peace to the families of the victims. I think that is incredibly sad.

I understand the anger. I even understand the hate. I selfishly pray that I never endure the same pain first hand. I also pray that we don't let these sins take even more victims - our souls.

Prayer

Prayer is powerful. I know that. Unfortunately it is kind of like knowing that exercise is good for me. Like exercise, I do much better in groups. Put me in an exercise class, and I enjoy it and actually go back for more. Surround me with people who want to pray, I could pray all day. I am even very comfortable praying with/for another individual that asks right on the spot. Heck, I even prayed with my 5 year old last night to help him go "potty" (he was constipated - is this blog personal or what?). So why is it that individual prayer is almost an afterthought to me? Don't get me wrong, I pray every day, but I usually have to remember. So what is so different? I found my answer at the blog Letters to God yesterday.

I know that the correct blogger etiquette would be to just link to the post but I felt it was powerful enough to warrant a direct quote.

Practicing the presence of God
I pause for a moment, aware that God is here.
I think of how everything around me,
the air I breathe, my whole body,
is tingling with the presence of God.

Freedom

I try to let go of concerns and worries
that may be dragging me down at this present moment.
I place any concerns I have in Gods hands
- at least for these few minutes of prayer.

Consciousness

I remind myself that I am in the presence of the Lord.
I will take refuge in His loving heart.
He is my strength in times of weakness.
He is my comforter in times of sorrow.

The Word

God speaks to each one of us individually. I need to listen
to hear what he is saying to me. Read the text a few times, then listen

What struck me about this is that last part. It is the listening that is the hard part. When you are praying aloud in groups, it is generally a one way conversation. Most individual prayer is like that too. Talking to God is easy and safe. It is the listening that is hard and scary.

I can remember a few times where I really felt I was having a conversation with God. It was the coolest and freakiest thing. It is also easy to rationalize that the voice I was hearing in my head, that I could not distinguish from my own, was just that - my own voice. Some how I know differently.

Listening to God is hard and scary. What did hearing the voice of God ever bring? Hardship, turmoil, even death. Moses had the coolest experience in the burning bush. Where did that lead? Plagues, leadership of the stiff-necked Israelites in the desert for 40 years. Jeremiah 20:7 put it best, "You duped me, Lord..."

Of course, listening to God is also the most amazing thing. Look at what Moses was able to do with God's help. Through Moses, God revealed his power and his wonders. Would we all be like Moses and the prophets or Blessed Mother Teresa or John Paul II, if we took the time to listen and didn't think we were crazy when we heard his voice?

"If today you hear God's voice, harden not your hearts..." - Psalm 95

Excuse me. This reminds me. It is time for me to shut up and sit and listen.

Death and Taxes and Resurrection (Vigil)

I know I have skipped over Good Friday, but I figured I better get through this before the Easter season is over.

Holy Week was the most challenging week I have had in ministry. It was very fulfilling, but it is one of those things that you cannot fully appreciate until it is over. For the Triduum, I directed a "choir" of musicians made up of people from our parish's various music groups. A challenge I planned on undertaking as part of my full-time ministry job at the parish. A job I no longer have, but I asked to lead the group anyway as a parishioner. The group was fabulous. I am blessed to be a member of a parish with such talented, loving followers of Christ. For those of you reading this that participated, your presence was felt more than you know.

I believe I was a successful failure in this endeavor. Let me explain. The Triduum was awesome and several people complemented the music and said how great it was to see the combined group. I failed in the sense that there were many mistakes made in my preparation as well as in the execution of the ministry - mostly during the Vigil service, mostly my fault. This is somewhat understandable. Of course mistakes happen, but they affected me deeply none the less. What I am most upset about is that my lack of preparation interfered with my participation in the celebration. I let my feelings and frustrations remove me from being fed by the Word of God during the Vigil.

Now before you think I am having a pity party or that I am just a self-centered fool (hey, it's my blog), let me share with you the wonderful love of God. By the 5th reading (Isaiah 55:1-11) on Saturday night, I was devastated. There were a number of little things that had happened so far, but I had just found out that I did not change our digital mixer to the right setup, which explained a number of sound issues. How could I forget to do something as basic as that?! I was literally about to cry and was just saying to God how sorry I was. I was sorry for the mistakes, but I was also sorry for letting my personal issues take priority. "This is not about me. Snap out of it! God send me your Spirit, so that I may glorify you."

It was time to proclaim the next Psalm. It was a gospel-swing setting that we did not get to practice much, and this particular Psalmist does not cantor on a regular basis. Pam is very talented and I knew it would be fine, but I did not expect what happened.

Pam began to proclaim, "God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting, everlasting!"

These words washed over me as I began to sing the response with the assembly. "God's love is everlasting." I could feel this everlasting love penetrate me and say to me, "I love you. You do not have to prove your worthiness to me. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to do anything. Just allow me to love you."

As Pam continued on to the verses of Psalm 136, she proclaimed the greatness of God. I mean she proclaimed it! She did not just sing these words. The Holy Spirit flowed through her and we could feel the energy in the place. That moment changed the rest of the service for me. Apparently, I was not the only one. Several people spoke to me about that moment.

God is so awesome!

God also continues to provide in our need. I was afraid we were going to owe taxes, because of my wife's consulting business. As I am unemployed at the moment, we could not afford a big tax bill. Well it turns out all those tax credits help more than the wealthy. I made so little last year that the government owes me money, and this is not a case where I had to much taken out of my paycheck. Manna from heaven!

Check your pride at the door (it might get stomped)

Okay, I am 34 years old and 6'6''. My son is 13 years old an over 5 feet tall. We just got served 3 times in the game of HORSE by my 10 year old 4" nuthin' nephew. The kid is like a machine!

Maybe I need to practice a little more. Anybody got an old Atari? I always won on the Atari.