Prayer

Prayer is powerful. I know that. Unfortunately it is kind of like knowing that exercise is good for me. Like exercise, I do much better in groups. Put me in an exercise class, and I enjoy it and actually go back for more. Surround me with people who want to pray, I could pray all day. I am even very comfortable praying with/for another individual that asks right on the spot. Heck, I even prayed with my 5 year old last night to help him go "potty" (he was constipated - is this blog personal or what?). So why is it that individual prayer is almost an afterthought to me? Don't get me wrong, I pray every day, but I usually have to remember. So what is so different? I found my answer at the blog Letters to God yesterday.

I know that the correct blogger etiquette would be to just link to the post but I felt it was powerful enough to warrant a direct quote.

Practicing the presence of God
I pause for a moment, aware that God is here.
I think of how everything around me,
the air I breathe, my whole body,
is tingling with the presence of God.

Freedom

I try to let go of concerns and worries
that may be dragging me down at this present moment.
I place any concerns I have in Gods hands
- at least for these few minutes of prayer.

Consciousness

I remind myself that I am in the presence of the Lord.
I will take refuge in His loving heart.
He is my strength in times of weakness.
He is my comforter in times of sorrow.

The Word

God speaks to each one of us individually. I need to listen
to hear what he is saying to me. Read the text a few times, then listen

What struck me about this is that last part. It is the listening that is the hard part. When you are praying aloud in groups, it is generally a one way conversation. Most individual prayer is like that too. Talking to God is easy and safe. It is the listening that is hard and scary.

I can remember a few times where I really felt I was having a conversation with God. It was the coolest and freakiest thing. It is also easy to rationalize that the voice I was hearing in my head, that I could not distinguish from my own, was just that - my own voice. Some how I know differently.

Listening to God is hard and scary. What did hearing the voice of God ever bring? Hardship, turmoil, even death. Moses had the coolest experience in the burning bush. Where did that lead? Plagues, leadership of the stiff-necked Israelites in the desert for 40 years. Jeremiah 20:7 put it best, "You duped me, Lord..."

Of course, listening to God is also the most amazing thing. Look at what Moses was able to do with God's help. Through Moses, God revealed his power and his wonders. Would we all be like Moses and the prophets or Blessed Mother Teresa or John Paul II, if we took the time to listen and didn't think we were crazy when we heard his voice?

"If today you hear God's voice, harden not your hearts..." - Psalm 95

Excuse me. This reminds me. It is time for me to shut up and sit and listen.

Death and Taxes and Resurrection (Vigil)

I know I have skipped over Good Friday, but I figured I better get through this before the Easter season is over.

Holy Week was the most challenging week I have had in ministry. It was very fulfilling, but it is one of those things that you cannot fully appreciate until it is over. For the Triduum, I directed a "choir" of musicians made up of people from our parish's various music groups. A challenge I planned on undertaking as part of my full-time ministry job at the parish. A job I no longer have, but I asked to lead the group anyway as a parishioner. The group was fabulous. I am blessed to be a member of a parish with such talented, loving followers of Christ. For those of you reading this that participated, your presence was felt more than you know.

I believe I was a successful failure in this endeavor. Let me explain. The Triduum was awesome and several people complemented the music and said how great it was to see the combined group. I failed in the sense that there were many mistakes made in my preparation as well as in the execution of the ministry - mostly during the Vigil service, mostly my fault. This is somewhat understandable. Of course mistakes happen, but they affected me deeply none the less. What I am most upset about is that my lack of preparation interfered with my participation in the celebration. I let my feelings and frustrations remove me from being fed by the Word of God during the Vigil.

Now before you think I am having a pity party or that I am just a self-centered fool (hey, it's my blog), let me share with you the wonderful love of God. By the 5th reading (Isaiah 55:1-11) on Saturday night, I was devastated. There were a number of little things that had happened so far, but I had just found out that I did not change our digital mixer to the right setup, which explained a number of sound issues. How could I forget to do something as basic as that?! I was literally about to cry and was just saying to God how sorry I was. I was sorry for the mistakes, but I was also sorry for letting my personal issues take priority. "This is not about me. Snap out of it! God send me your Spirit, so that I may glorify you."

It was time to proclaim the next Psalm. It was a gospel-swing setting that we did not get to practice much, and this particular Psalmist does not cantor on a regular basis. Pam is very talented and I knew it would be fine, but I did not expect what happened.

Pam began to proclaim, "God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting, everlasting!"

These words washed over me as I began to sing the response with the assembly. "God's love is everlasting." I could feel this everlasting love penetrate me and say to me, "I love you. You do not have to prove your worthiness to me. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to do anything. Just allow me to love you."

As Pam continued on to the verses of Psalm 136, she proclaimed the greatness of God. I mean she proclaimed it! She did not just sing these words. The Holy Spirit flowed through her and we could feel the energy in the place. That moment changed the rest of the service for me. Apparently, I was not the only one. Several people spoke to me about that moment.

God is so awesome!

God also continues to provide in our need. I was afraid we were going to owe taxes, because of my wife's consulting business. As I am unemployed at the moment, we could not afford a big tax bill. Well it turns out all those tax credits help more than the wealthy. I made so little last year that the government owes me money, and this is not a case where I had to much taken out of my paycheck. Manna from heaven!

Check your pride at the door (it might get stomped)

Okay, I am 34 years old and 6'6''. My son is 13 years old an over 5 feet tall. We just got served 3 times in the game of HORSE by my 10 year old 4" nuthin' nephew. The kid is like a machine!

Maybe I need to practice a little more. Anybody got an old Atari? I always won on the Atari.

The Feast - A reflection on Holy Thursday

Holy Thursday was awesome! The anticipation had built up throughout Lent and was finally released in a joyous celebration of the institution of the Eucharist (the Last Supper). We had finally entered into the Triduum.

I am often overwhelmed with two aspects of the Eucharist - the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus made present in what was ordinary bread and wine (1 Corinthians 11:23-26). The first is the intimacy of Communion and the second is how heaven and earth join in the celebration together.

Intimacy

I am what you might call a "finicky" eater. I don't just put anything in my mouth, although I am sure healthy-diet purists would cringe at some the fast food I love to eat. I am picky about what I want to eat. I can even remember being concerned about how Communion would taste when I was a child. Jesus chose to become present to us in a way that we could consume him. God wants us to be that close. "Take and eat, this is my Body..." Wow!

True Communion

Every time we celebrate Mass we are joined by the angels and saints in heaven. We are getting a taste of the Eternal Banquet. Have you ever really thought about that. Heaven and earth join together. Thing of all your loved ones that have gone before us. You want to be close to them? Go to Mass!

Bringing It Altogether in Service

I will write more about these two concepts later, but I wanted to mention them, because these things happen every day at Mass, but on Holy Thursday, there is just something unique about the experience. Maybe it is because of the call to service that is made so abundantly clear on this night. Before he gave us himself in the Eucharist, Jesus showed us how to serve. I can totally relate to Peter in this scene. Jesus is washing the feet of his followers. Can you imagine having the Son of God wash your stinking, dirty feet? I would have been like Peter.

"Lord, are you going to wash my feet? Sorry, but no, you will never wash my feet. I should be washing yours with my tears and hair like that hysterical woman. I am a sinner. You are my Lord."

"Cool it, Rocky. Sit down or you will have no part of me."

"Then dunk my head as well! Wash me clean!"

(based on John 13)

After this Jesus tells them, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

So, for me Holy Thursday comes down to this: Jesus wants to be with us so badly that he lets us consume him, and he wants us to be like him so much that he showed us how in the simplest of ways - a basin and a towel.

Finally, here is a song that I wrote a few years ago about my longing for the Christ in the Eucharist. It is called "The Feast". We sang it on Holy Thursday. If you would like the sheet music leave a comment.

Peace.

Triumph and Agony (Palm Sunday)

Happy Easter!

Okay, so it took me a little longer to reflect than I predicted. I must admit I am still very tired, and Gina and I still have not adjusted back to a normal sleeping schedule. What a week.

So, I think for the sake of readability, I will post a few separate entries instead of one long one about the whole week. Yes, I should have done this as we went along, but oh well.

Holy Week started off with a bang for us, literally. While traveling on a very narrow, curvy mountain road named Bear Creek Road on Palm Sunday, we had a tire blow out. Luckily I did not lose control of our van, and other than my bloody knuckles from changing the tire, no one was hurt. I was also glad that it stopped raining long enough for me to change the tire. That was kind of how the day went.

I must admit that I have never been a big fan of Palm Sunday. It is a schizophrenic day that we remember Christ's joyful and triumphant entrance into Jerusalem, but we also proclaim his Passion. I was in kind of a grumpy mood to begin with, and I was actually hoping it would continue to rain so that we would not have to process from outside (a technical challenge for the musicians). Was this the way to start the week we call "Holy"?

As a kid, I always thought it was the craziest thing that people could go from being worshipers to betrayers and murderers. One minute they are shouting "Hosanna!", the next they are yelling "Crucify him!" We may not go through such drastic changes in our faith, but I sometimes think about the difference of our Sundays and the rest of the week.

Looking back at Palm Sunday, all I can say is that maybe the real message is that there is more glory in the Cross and our suffering, then accolades and praises. Without the Cross, there is no Easter Joy.

Christ is Risen

Alleluia!

What a week. How great is our God, for he has conquered death and raises us to new life with Christ. We are truly blessed.

The Triduum celebration at Holy Family was amazing. I will write all about our crazy, roller coaster week after I have had a good night sleep. We have not been to bed before 1:30 AM this entire week (last night it was 2:30 AM), so I am going to spend a quiet night reflecting on everything that has happened. Tune in tomorrow for my reflection.

Happy Easter! Alleluia, alleluia!

Holy Week

It has been a few days since I posted anything. It is Holy Week and I have been swamped with preparations for the Triduum (three days). This is the Super Bowl of liturgies - one liturgy broken up into 3 services. They consist of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and the Easter Vigil. Of course these are not like your ordinary Sunday Mass. The preparation for it is always a huge task. Our music rehearsal went until 11:30 PM last night. So anyway, please forgive me if I don't post much over the next couple days.

Peace and grace,

Scott

Life Imitating Art

How come our parish councils never tackle the important issues - like those pesky rabbits?

In a strange case of life imitating art, it seems a parish in a small village in Northern England has a vegetable-eating monster on their hands. Give over!

The Power of the Name

Have you ever noticed that the name of Jesus makes people uncomfortable? People, even Christians, find it much easier to talk about God than they do about Christ Jesus. I am not any different. There are times when the name of the Lord (see?!) makes me feel awkward. I must admit that this causes me a great deal of shame. I think that is the key to the problem. I am ashamed.

It is not that I am ashamed of Christ (that would be unbelievable). I am ashamed of my sin. I am ashamed of my hypocrisy. I am ashamed of being ashamed.

There are several ways that my finite mind pictures Jesus and what he thinks of this. First, there is the gentle, understanding healer that reaches into my heart and lets me feel his love. I love that feeling. It hurts sometimes, but the freedom it gives is beyond description. Another image is of him slapping me aside the head and saying "Snap out of it! Don't you remember I died for you! I died for the price of your sin and have set you free. Why won't you let go of your guilt? Why do I have to wrestle it from you?" Rich Mullins said it wonderfully in this song "Hold Me, Jesus",

"I'd rather fight you for things I don't really want, then to take what you give that I need."

I think I am also afraid of the power that the name of Jesus holds. In Luke 10:17 the disciples return to Jesus and proclaim that "even the demons submit to us in your name." We have that kind of power in the name of the Lord. It is kind of scary. I don't particularly want to face demons. I don't want to fight this spiritual war in the trenches. That is the kind of attention that you get when you proclaim the name of Christ Jesus (there, I said it again).

Heaven help me, because I can't help myself. It is scary and sometimes it makes me and others uncomfortable, but I just have to let you know.

Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior. He wants to be yours too. So much so that he took on the weight of all our sins and died on the cross for our salvation. It sounds crazy, but he is that crazy about you and me.

Ecumenical Movement in Technology

Today Apple Computer, Inc. announced Boot Camp. This software will be in the next version of OS X and will make it easy for users to make their Intel based Macs boot into Windows. This is interesting news. I find this rather ecumenical since we have known since 1994 that Mac OS is Catholic and Windows is Protestant. Apple's strategy is of course to make it easier to convert. So reach out to our Protestant brothers and sisters and help them buy a Mac!

Now for something completely different...

After that last post, I figured I needed to offer something a little lighter. :)

Check out this commercial for the Commadore 64.

Faith: In My Head or My Heart?

I took the day off from blogging yesterday. I had a lot going on in my head and my heart and couldn't really figure out what to write. My brother posted links to some hilarious trailers on his blog that made my wife and I laugh out loud (I believe I can fly...). One of the trailers was hosted from a website that had a link to a couple of articles. The articles pertained to an argument about the character of God in the Bible. Excuse me while I try to be intellectual.

In his article "Walk Away", Daniel L. Pock lays out an argument against the "divine inspiration of the Bible" (see Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 105-108) and how it is "a great subject for getting people all worked up." I'll say. Although over-simplistic, his argument is thought provoking and his writing style down-to-earth and humorous. It boils down to this. Pock's argument is that the Story of the Garden of Eden and Original Sin in the Bible (Genesis 2-3) shows that God set us up for failure to make us feel dependent upon him. This kind of "volatility and injustice" could only come from humans, not the divine, so how could the Bible be divinely inspired? I think it is good to ask these kind of questions to get the mind going and stir up the heart. My pastor once wigged me out for several days when he asked the questions, "What would have happened if Mary had said 'No'?" and "What if Mary wasn't the first woman God asked to bear his Son?"

Apparently this article hit people's faith at the core. One reader wrote,

"In the last couple of days since I read this site, it is hard for me to be glad that Jesus is my Savior, because now it seems like He's saving me from something He started in the first place!"

Wow!

In response a gentleman wrote a very lengthy rebuttal. Although I applaud his efforts, and I will probably read more of his articles, it was extremely frustrating to read because of its length and the style of the writer. The rebuttal focuses on the arguments (basically that the character of God is NOT cruel and volatile in the Bible) rather than addressing the question of divine inspiration. This is probably good debate form. If you disprove the other person's proofs you show the faults of his conclusions. The problem is that in some ways he supports Pock's argument.

"The data is way too scarce (e.g. we have only two remarks by the serpent!) and there is too much missing information." Exactly! It is like the argument that the Universe had to be created, because something so vast and ordered could not just exist. Don't we believe that God just exists.

I am not a philosopher and not even a schooled theologian. I am just a man who wants to love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind. Sometimes these parts of me fight each other. Sometimes the mind tells me my heart is crazy or the heart will tell me that my mind is thoughtless. The soul, however, tells me to have faith, because it longs to be home with God.

"Faith is certain. It is more certain than all human knowledge because it is founded on the very word of God who cannot lie. To be sure, revealed truths can seem obscure to human reason and experience, but "the certainty that the divine light gives is greater than that which the light of natural reason gives." "Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 157)

Trying a new application

It is after 10 PM. The kids are in bed, and I am working on music for Easter Vigil. I can't believe it is almost Easter.

The real reason for this entry is to test a new app I found. If I like it and end up buying it, I will let you know what it is.

Longing

Have you ever missed someone so much it hurt? I must admit, that I do not usually "miss" people when we are apart for short periods (a few days). In those cases, we are usually apart because a set task separates us and we know that we will be back together again shortly. The task is usually distraction enough to keep my mind off of missing the person.

This weekend, my wife is on retreat. I am very excited for her. She does not often get to take a few days away from motherhood and the day to day pressures of life. Usually, when one or both of us are at a retreat we are "working"/ministering to someone else - a rewarding experience, but not the same. I was able to go on a men's retreat a few years ago with my brothers and my father. It was life changing. I hope and pray that this weekend is a wonderful experience for her and that she is able to connect with God in new and profound ways.

I miss her. Beyond that, I am longing for her.

Last night I was reflecting on this. What is different this time? The kids have been great. I think it was a record that they were all in bed by 8:30 last night. I have had plenty to do (dropping kids off and picking kids up from school, looking for work, cleaning the house, taxes, etc.). In fact, I have had to consciously take a break to write this blog. Then it struck me.

My longing for my wife, Gina, is my longing for Christ.

The Church teaches us that marriage is a sacrament - an outward sign of inward grace, instituted by Christ for our sanctification. (Catechismus concil. Trident., n.4, ex S. Aug. "De Catechizandis rudibus")

Or as author Christopher West puts it:

"Spouses not only image the love of God within the Trinity; they also image the love between God and all humanity, made visible in the love of Christ and the Church. By virtue of their baptisms, the marriage of Christians is a sacrament. That means it's a living sign that truly communicates and participates the union of Christ and the Church. (Good News About Sex and Marriage , Christopher West, p. 20)

I can't tell you how many times Gina has been the face of Christ to me. It is her love that has made the love of God more real. It is her forgiveness that has shown me the forgiveness of Christ. It is her presence that has helped me feel the presence of the Spirit.

I miss her. No, I long for her.