I know I have skipped over Good Friday, but I figured I better get through this before the Easter season is over.
Holy Week was the most challenging week I have had in ministry. It was very fulfilling, but it is one of those things that you cannot fully appreciate until it is over. For the Triduum, I directed a "choir" of musicians made up of people from our parish's various music groups. A challenge I planned on undertaking as part of my full-time ministry job at the parish. A job I no longer have, but I asked to lead the group anyway as a parishioner. The group was fabulous. I am blessed to be a member of a parish with such talented, loving followers of Christ. For those of you reading this that participated, your presence was felt more than you know.
I believe I was a successful failure in this endeavor. Let me explain. The Triduum was awesome and several people complemented the music and said how great it was to see the combined group. I failed in the sense that there were many mistakes made in my preparation as well as in the execution of the ministry - mostly during the Vigil service, mostly my fault. This is somewhat understandable. Of course mistakes happen, but they affected me deeply none the less. What I am most upset about is that my lack of preparation interfered with my participation in the celebration. I let my feelings and frustrations remove me from being fed by the Word of God during the Vigil.
Now before you think I am having a pity party or that I am just a self-centered fool (hey, it's my blog), let me share with you the wonderful love of God. By the 5th reading (Isaiah 55:1-11) on Saturday night, I was devastated. There were a number of little things that had happened so far, but I had just found out that I did not change our digital mixer to the right setup, which explained a number of sound issues. How could I forget to do something as basic as that?! I was literally about to cry and was just saying to God how sorry I was. I was sorry for the mistakes, but I was also sorry for letting my personal issues take priority. "This is not about me. Snap out of it! God send me your Spirit, so that I may glorify you."
It was time to proclaim the next Psalm. It was a gospel-swing setting that we did not get to practice much, and this particular Psalmist does not cantor on a regular basis. Pam is very talented and I knew it would be fine, but I did not expect what happened.
Pam began to proclaim, "God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting. God's love is everlasting, everlasting!"
These words washed over me as I began to sing the response with the assembly. "God's love is everlasting." I could feel this everlasting love penetrate me and say to me, "I love you. You do not have to prove your worthiness to me. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to do anything. Just allow me to love you."
As Pam continued on to the verses of Psalm 136, she proclaimed the greatness of God. I mean she proclaimed it! She did not just sing these words. The Holy Spirit flowed through her and we could feel the energy in the place. That moment changed the rest of the service for me. Apparently, I was not the only one. Several people spoke to me about that moment.
God is so awesome!
God also continues to provide in our need. I was afraid we were going to owe taxes, because of my wife's consulting business. As I am unemployed at the moment, we could not afford a big tax bill. Well it turns out all those tax credits help more than the wealthy. I made so little last year that the government owes me money, and this is not a case where I had to much taken out of my paycheck. Manna from heaven!
No comments:
Post a Comment